The late standup comic, George Carlin used to practice what he called “Observational Humor.” If he observed something that bugged him, he might call our attention to it and proclaim that it needed to cease. One example was bald guys that grew their hair out in the back and wore it in a ponytail. It bugged Carlin. He said it was” something we didn’t need “and wasn’t going to be tolerated any longer.

In the spirit of George Carlin and with the swap meet, car show and cruise in season back upon us, here is my version of 5 Things We Don’t Need.

Baseball caps have always been part of car culture and it makes sense to protect your noggin if you’re planning to spend your day out of doors. What doesn’t make sense is to wear a visor with a prickly wig attached. When did these things first show up-more than a decade ago? I’m trying to remember if the first one I saw evoked a smile. I’m quite certain that the second one, did not. I get that they’re a goof, meant to be humorous but it’s a joke that is only funny the first time you see it. By now we’ve all seen it. I think Carlin would agree that visors with prickly wigs attached should go away. It’s a joke that lost its punch years ago.

Muscle shirts, tanks or any form fitting shirts without sleeves seem to be popular with car guys. Unfortunately, I don’t think most guys know whether they look good in them or not. In a recent Melissa McCarthy movie the joke was made: “Only guys with muscles should wear muscle shirts” and I think she may be on to something. A burly guy I called “Big Dog” used to wear them to the races all the time. When I bought a sleeveless shirt that had vintage sprint cars on it, my daughter called me “Little Dog” every time I wore it. Eventually I got the message. If you want an honest assessment of how you look in your muscle shirt, ask your teenage daughter.

Do you know what a “Time Out” is? A Time Out is a homemade doll of a two or three-year-old standing with its face concealed in shame. I must believe that women make these…only an adoring mother would find anything cute about a pouting tot. But the bigger question is how did these dolls find their way to car shows and cruise ins to begin with? Somehow, they became a fairly common sight in years past but I believe they are now on the decline. I say let’s outlaw them altogether. Then the question becomes: “How do you dispose of one?” My answer: Goodwill!

According to Wikipedia, oversized dice originated during World War II. Pilots hung them in the cockpit of their fighter planes displaying “seven pips” before a “sortie mission.” At a time when the mortality rate was high, anything that a soldier perceived gave him good luck was justified. Though their history is solid, somehow over time, enlarged dice lost their dignity. Tell me, when you see a set of flocked dayglow green dice hanging from a rearview mirror, do you think about bravery? I think oversized dice have become a tacky metaphor for hot rodding or nostalgia in general. In fact, I hadn’t even thought about fuzzy dice in years…and then I came across a whole table full at the “Mild to Wild” Show. They are for sure something we don’t need.

Lastly, there is Betty Boof. The character was created in 1930 by a contemporary of Walt Disney’s named Max Fleischer. As popular as Betty was, she was retired after nine years as the star of her own cartoons that appeared in theatres prior to the featured attraction. People grew bored with Betty because besides being cute, she didn’t really have much going on and her cartoons mostly consisted of her being chased around. It has been the merchandising of her likeness on everything from greeting cards to coffee cups that has kept Betty in the public eye ever since. At some point someone rendered her as fifties style car shop with roller skates on her feet and a tray in her hand. For some reason that image really resonated with people and she has been typecast as a waitress ever since. Evidently it is Betty the Car Hop that will forever be linked to hot rodders but at eighty nine she is overdue for retirement. It is time to give Betty a rest.

It took guts for promoter Steve Moore to move his successful swap meet from Albany to Salem. Not only did he move the venue but he rescheduled a bit later in the year. The new February date conflicted with Puyallup, Washington’s Early Bird Swap Meet which has a fifty year history and Skagit Speedway’s Northwest Racer’s Swap Meet held at Burlington (WA) High School. In spite of the competition, Moore report that this year’s edition of the Mild to Wild Motorsports Swap Meet was his second highest attended show in its thirteen year run. Beyond that, all vendor booths were sold out and a waiting list existed that included another thirty seven vendors that unfortunately could not be accommodated. Efforts will be made to include all that wish to participate next year.

Why the boost in interest? Pairing the gathering with other automotive events; The Salem Roadster Show and the Salem Indoor Dirt Track Races, likely had something to do with it. The Roadster Show in fact, pooled advertising dollars with Moore and they co-promoted their events happening simultaneously in adjacent buildings. But both benefited by the scheduling of the short track racing held on the grounds as well. We talked to people that planned to attend multiple events. One swapper was heading to the Roadster Show just as soon as he finished making his rounds. One family of racers was camped at fairgrounds for the weekend. Dad had a booth at the swap meet and the kids were racing on dirt oval that night!

Speaking of racetracks, three that I know of were represented at the swap. Michael Short and Joel Imamura of Bar-S Motorsports were manning a large booth and letting patrons know that they will be operating Willamette Speedway this season. When asked if they were still operating a retail store in Albany, I was told that the store had been relocated to the racetrack in Lebanon and was open five days a week. Heather Boice, who has managed Cottage Grove Speedway for numerous seasons, had a table at the far end of Columbia Hall. If you wanted information about her venue, the Head Honcho (Honcha?) was front and center. Even River City Speedway (Saint Helens) had Representative Darrin Rye on hand, passing out schedules and answering questions.

As far as the merchandise offered, this swap remains very Stock Car oriented. Mostly Late Model and Modified stuff but we did spy a Sprint Car or two. Regarding the quality of the used merch, it was all over the board (Why do people haul around used rubber?) or you could buy new- Besides Bar-S, Jeremy Shank of Left Coast Motorsportshad a boatload of stuff, William Drager of Drager Performance had a sizable booth and there were likely others.

As an added attraction, Moore sets up ramps and conducts valve cover races every year. He says people always show up with new entries but they’ve accumulated a pretty decent stable by now so anybody that wants to can play.

All in all, it’s a very upbeat gathering of enthusiasts and along with the swapping some hi-jinx and tom foolery ensues.

When you hear the phrase “barn find” you think antique car, old muscle car or a vintage race car. Well, this is very similar, and it has to do with a vintage race car.

When I retired one of my projects was to clean and organize the attic. I have gotten to the point that I am going through old photos. In my search, I found a treasure: 6 original photos of the 1966 Le Mans winning Ford GT40 Mark II.

I had heard stories that car companies would go around the country displaying an award-winning race car. Apparently, it is true. In 1967 Ford displayed the GT40 Mark II at Wilson Ford in Corvallis, Oregon.

In 1980 I was working in the parts department of a dealership in Corvallis. One of the salesmen, knowing I like race cars, gave me some photos. The photos were originally taken with a Kodak Instamatic camera and the date, 1967, was hand written on the back. The photos show the car being delivered to Wilson’s Ford on an open flatbed trailer that was being towed by a ‘67 Ford Ranchero. The photos in the showroom show how small the GT40 is, and how low it is compared to a ‘67 Ford Galaxy and a ‘67 Ford Falcon. I had heard stories that car companies would go around the country displaying an award-winning race car. Apparently, it is true. In 1967 Ford displayed the GT40 Mark II at Wilson Ford in Corvallis, Oregon.

It’s funny that the flatbed trailer the GT40 Mark II was delivered in was so different from the modern transporters. Nowadays you see a Semi truck and trailer with room enough for up to 3 race cars. These transporters may have engine shop, machine shop, fabricating shop, or even a place to sit back and relax.

Back in ‘67 I would love to have seen this great race car, one of my favorites.

In 1966 the Ford Motor Co. entered 8 cars in the 24-hour race at Le Mans. Five other GT40s were entered by privateers. Ford swept the top three places with the GT40 Mark II serial number P/1046 came up the winner.

After a complete restoration, in 2014 it was reported that the Ford GT40 Mark II serial number P/1046 was sold for $22 million dollars. Since I can’t afford the real car the photos are the next best, found treasure.

Recently I talked about “Bucket List” items. Probably many of us have such a list and the things we want to do of course varies. A lot of the things on my list include car events and activities, surprising I know. But, one of those events has been the Grand National Roadster Show, sponsored by O’Reilly Auto Parts, presented by Meguiar’s Premium Car Care Products, and as of late, held at the LA County Fair Complex in Pomona California. This show has been going on for a lot of years and this year was the 70th Annual.

The fact that this was the 70th is significant. Another significant thing about this show is the AMBR Award, Americas Most Beautiful Roadster. This “Class” is open to all United States built roadsters, roadster pickups and touring cars 1937 and older, including designer roadsters that resemble a 1937 or older roadster. This special class has awards for Display, Engineering, Undercarriage, Paint, Engine, Interior and detail. The winner has their name applied to the perpetual 9-foot-tall trophy, a $10,000 cash package and the title.

Among the names shown on the trophy, some with connections to the Northwest are, Blackie Gijeian, George Barris, Leroy “Tex” Smith, Bob Tindle, Lonnie Gilbertson, John Corno, Dennis Varni, Boyd Coddington, Darryl Hollenbeck, dating all the way back to the first “Grand Daddy of Them All” show in 1950. It has a distinguished history.

There were 6 buildings each with their own ‘theme,” filled with fantastic vehicles, living up to the “Grand Daddy” moniker. Outside in the open areas between and around the buildings, on Saturday and Sunday, there were cars displayed that were driven to the show by their owners, like a cruise-in. Many of these were included by their owner’s club affiliations. They numbered in the hundreds.

There were as many as 300 vendors displaying anything and everything you might need to help you build your “AMBR” for next years show.
My friend Jim Estes and I drove down to Pomona from Portland, Oregon in his new diesel-powered GMC pickup. Amazingly, it got a best MPG of 21.9 on one leg of the trip. I was surprised and glad since we shared the costs of the trip. After we got back though, I checked to see what the trip costs would have been if we had flown and rented a car. Of course, it would have saved us two travel days each way and it would have cost about the same. I think next time we’ll fly and rent. Another “bucket list” show happens to be at the same place over Father’s Day weekend in June each year, The LA Roadster Show. We’ll have to try to make that one, one of these days.