The Worst Racing Movie Ever Made

Whilst sitting around a room of young racing aficionados, empty cans were strewn about the table surface and a forgotten slice of cold pizza sitting unwanted in the corner, somebody asked “What is the best racing movie ever made?” a chorus of answers was quick to reply “Senna!” “Rush!” and my personal favorite, “Grand Prix!” Sadly the congregation of twentysomething-year-olds stared back at me with a blank expression- their cinematic catalog peters out pre-1990 and everything made prior is sadly rendered obsolete.

“Days of Thunder!” Somebody slurred and instantly an argument broke out about whether or not the 1990 NASCAR flick starring Tom Cruise was actually under serious consideration for the prestigious Best Racing Movie title.

“Driven!” the same guy yelled and everyone laughed. This was clearly a joke. No true-blue race fan in their right mind would pass over LeMans, Winning, or even Talladega Nights for Driven.

A passerby walked back into the room and said, “I have never seen Driven.” Unanimously we decided that it was vitally important that a screening was in order. Couches, chairs and a TV were immediately shoved into the adjoining living room and someone dove into the corner of stacked DVDs in search for Driven.

Made in 2001, Driven stars Kip Pardue, Til Schweiger, and Estella Warren. (Who?) Sylvester Stallone and Burt Reynolds are supposed to be leading men but their storylines are barely a step above a cameo. Women, crowd shots and dramatic one-liners pepper this somewhat confusing storyline. Guys are stealing each other’s girlfriends; cars are being launched 50 feet into the air and frosted tips hairstyles are present.

A personal favorite scene includes a spontaneous chase sequence through the streets where neither driver is wearing any sort of safety features in open cockpit IndyCars. I guess we, as an audience, are supposed to believe that these guys are actually chatting with each other between midtown traffic while going close to 200mph.

One of the guys in the viewing party had a particular problem with how the characters in the movie put their gear on in the wrong order before strapping into the car. “HEY BUCKO, NO RACE CAR DRIVER TAKES HIS HELMET OFF, THEN HIS GLOVES! IT WOULD BE TOO HARD TO UNDO THE STRAPS” he yelled. When the dust settled, credits rolled, and the fridge was out of beer we all sat around and continued the conversation from earlier in the night.

“The McLaren documentary was really good.” “I have been watching the Formula 1 docuseries on Netflix, Drive to Survive—that’s really good too.” “I’ve never heard of Winning, who is in that?” Could all be heard over one another.

“Guys,” I said, “we are never going to agree on what the Greatest Racing Movie Ever Made is, but I think we can all safely say what the Worst Racing Movie Ever Made is…”

20 Racing that are More Worth Your
Time than Driven:
1- (2013)
The Big Wheel – (1949)
Days of Thunder – (1990)
Drive to Survive- Series – (2019)
Dust to Glory – (2005)
Le Mans- (1971)
Grand Prix – (1966)
McLaren – (2017)
Patrick Dempsey: Racing Le Mans series – (2013)
Rush – (2013)
Talladega Nights – (2006)
The Love Bug – (1968)
To Please A Lady – (1950)
Senna – (2010)
Snake and Mongoose – (2013)
Stoker Ace – (1983)
Viva Las Vegas – (1964)
Weekend of a Champion- (1972)
Winning – (1969)
World’s Fastest Indian- (2005)

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